Did you know that phrase means losing one’s temper? I just read it on wikipedia, so it has to be true. Still, it was the obvious choice of title, the one that seemed all at once too easy and yet apropos.
If you are a long time reader of this blog, especially if you were a reader back when I was on blogger, you know that JD Ryan, the atheist blogger of Five Before Chaos, and I have a history of heated debates about all things religious. So, you might find it interesting that he and I got together for coffee a couple weeks ago to discuss religion. Not just religion, but my religion. Or, I should say, we got together to discuss the fact that I no longer consider myself a Christian, but an agnostic.
I still have a lot of things to sort out. I am by no means an atheist. I am in a state of just not knowing what to think about the existence (or nonexistence) of god.
All I do know is that for the past four years, I gave my power over to god based on a theology that I no longer believe is true. Now, I have taken back control and things have never been better.
How this came about is really a long story, the details of which even I am not entirely certain. Suffice it to say that the questions, the doubts, the contradictions, and the logical inconsistencies just piled up to the point that I could no longer ignore them.
Then one day, I just asked myself, How would my life be different if God wasn’t real? The answer surprised me. I felt optimistic for the first time in a long time. I felt like I was in control of my life and I had the power to make it better. I felt great.
The one thing that scared me more than anything was the thought of telling my husband that I wasn’t a Christian anymore. In fact, I didn’t want to tell anyone because that would make it real and that was a real threat to my marriage. Not that I thought we would get divorced over it, although that does happen, but that it would upset my otherwise amazing relationship with my husband.
So, I did what any one would do in that situation. I e-mailed an antagonistic atheist that likes to harass me on the internet. We got together for coffee and I was finally able to tell someone what I had been going though. He was very supportive and gave me some ideas about how to talk to my husband about it.
That night I did tell Bob. He kind of freaked out for the first couple of days, but now things are going very well. He says that I am happier than he has seen me in a long time and that things at home, in general, seem much more peaceful.
I have been going back and forth about whether or not I wanted to post this, but in the end I felt like it was the right thing to do. I was a Christian for the life of this blog and I was very open about that. It seemed somehow disingenuous to withhold this information.
To answer the obvious question, no, my political views have not changed. I was a small-government conservative long before I became a Christian and will continue to be, barring any unforeseen head injuries.
If you have any other questions, feel free to pose them in the comments section, or drop me an e-mail.